I spent four days on my couch bingeing The Masters. Here are my fairly unrefined thoughts.
The course and the tournament
Nothing proves the need to bifurcate the rules and roll back pro golf equipment more than The Masters. Out-of-control equpiment forced one of golf’s great layouts to pervert some of golf’s most exciting holes to keep them relevant. For example…
Massive fairway bunkers on the 2nd, 5th and 8th holes are Augusta National’s equivalent to US Open rough: Automatic pitchout. Where’s the chance for a brilliant recovery? The reward for driving past them doesn’t outweigh the risk, so too few golfers take them on. Playing away from trouble is boring content.
Length and ill-placed trees ruined the 11th hole. What should be an exciting, challenging second shot over water is too often a bail out to the right even from the middle of the fairway. I don’t care what Ben Hogan said or did, this makes for bad content in 2024.
More than any other hole in the world, 13 shows the damage wrought from the governing authorities’ failure to regulate distance. Pushing the tee box back at least made that shot longer, but it is not more challenging. In fact players can how it a straight ball to the middle of the fairway and have a non-momentous chance to reach the green in two. This isn’t how the hole was meant to be played. There’s no benefit to risking a draw close to the tributary on the inside of the dog leg. Distance and low-spin drivers have sadly taken that consideration completely out of play. The only real solution to restoring this hole’s excitement is to relocate the green 20 yards farther away. I doubt the Club is willing to do that.
What they’ve done to 15 is a crime. The trees on the left betray the Jones-Mackenzie design philosophy. Scheffler said he hit 3- and 4-irons into the green, that’s perfect. I want to see players hit long irons or hybrids over water to a shallow green, not punch out around the trees. But even when players hit the side of the fairway with an unobstructed shot to the green, they too often choose to lay up because keeping the course challenigng means the green is a concrete driveway unable to hold a shot from distance. It’s a shame and it’s ruining this tournament.
This is the future of men’s professional golf. Players hit the ball so far and so high with such expert spin control that the only way to defend a course is to make it so impossibly difficult as to suck the life out of competition. You could say that’s the proper way to identify the game’s greatest players. I’d grant you that. But I say it too often makes for uninteresting content.
We shouldn’t want this.
The beating heart of golf is people and places. Its most storied places are already locked away behind private gates, inaccessible to the vast majority of its people except once a year on television. If distance continues to advance unchecked, we risk losing even that as they become too short and too easy for the mens’ game. I don’t see any other way to save it than to bifurcate the rules for men’s professional golf, including drastic rollbacks in allowable equipment. Equipment companies will balk—loudly. But they need to stand down for the betterment of the game.
The broadcast and the broadcasters
The holes 4-5-6 coverage with Dave Flemming, Jeff Sluman and Scott Verplank is the most enjoyable coverage all week. Because they have fun. Dave keeps it light and they all understand about 19 people are watching. Errant drives still land in the second cut and patrons still sit in patron observation stands. But it’s fun. They’re not trying to impress anybody. They’re just three guys talking about golf. It’s wonderful.
There’s a short list of broadcasters I want to bottle and save forever. Verne Lundquist is on it. Jim Nantz game him a little send off after the final group finished 16, but I would have preferred they do that ahead of time and let Verne’s final commentary be simply sending the players to the 17th tee.
Speaking of Jim Nantz, I have a conspiracy theory: Augusta National forces Jim Nantz to script his call after the winner’s final putt. There’s no other reason why such a great announcer would say such cheesy things in such a cheesy way. “All his calls sound that way,” you might say. I disagree. He didn’t script “The Golden Bear has come out of hibernation” in 1986 and his sizzle reel from the NFL and NCAA basketball back me up. Augusta National made The Masters The Masters by insisting on tight control over how CBS presents the tournament. I believe they require him to present the winning moment that way to protect and enhance their brand.
I don’t get the Trevor Immelman adoration. I mean, he’s a likeable guy and does fine. But he’s not “18th tower memorable”. As a character he’s just flat. Johnny Miller was…aggressive at times. Nick Faldo has quirks and, oh, six major championships. Ken Venturi was dignified and connected to the game’s golden era. I don’t know what makes Immelman memorable. It’s too bad Phil Mickelson broke bad or else we’d have an all-timer in that chair.
Letting Dottie Pepper walk with the final group is the best broadcast decision since they switched to color pictures. She was okay in the 13th tower but her best work is following the leaders and it’s elevated the entire presentation.
I don’t know what CBS is going to do with 15-16 now. 15 hasn’t been the same since Feherty left (coinciding with the Club butchering the hole’s design). Without two greats anchoring those pivotal holes the broadcast is in danger of hollowing out. I can’t even think of who would be in line to take over. NBC’s struggle to replace Paul Azinger shows the lack of golf commentator talent right now, too.
Lastly, I’d like to see the Club allow CBS to use more ground cameras. Lower angles do a better job showing the slopes and undulations of Augusta National’s greens. I get that there’s brand consistency in having tower cams in the same place for 50 years, but there’s also value in showing viewers the contours players deal with shot after shot.
This July 12-14, the Minnesota Twins return to Oracle Park in San Francisco for the first time in seven years. The home of the Giants is one of baseball’s best stadiums, and it also happens to be two blocks from my apartment. With close to 100 Giants games in my scorebook I thought to give Twins fans making the trip a comprehensive fan’s guide to how to make the best of your visit.
Here are the game times:
7:15 p.m. Friday
4:15 p.m. Saturday
1:05 p.m. Sunday
I haven’t been to a ton of stadiums, but I can’t imagine another where the game time has a bigger effect on your experience. Being outside in San Francisco is drastically different at different times of the day. Because of that I’ll cover seat guidance separately by game. Visiting a new stadium also means figuring out how to get there, when and where to eat and where to sit. My goal with this post is to answer every question a Twins fan might have about how to enjoy their weekend in what we call “the City”.
The lay of the land San Francisco sits on the tip of the peninsula and Oracle Park is in the northeast part of town. Hold up your right hand. San Francisco is your thumbnail and the stadium sits right at the corner of said nail. Or just look at the map below I swiped from Wikipedia. Oracle Park is the green dot.
This map shows the northeast area of San Francisco, including Market Street, the Union Square shopping and hotel district, “FiDi” and the larger South of Market neighbourhoods. You can see Oracle Park down there on the border of SoMa and Mission Bay in a small area known as China Basin. It’s like saying Target Field is in the North Loop part of downtown Minneapolis. The area is a mix of old industrial buildings, multi-unit housing and the UCSF hospital/Chase Center campus at the far south end. It’s the flattest part of town (thank the lord!) and generally warmer than the foggy western part by the ocean. Keep your wits about you and you’ll be safe walking around at all hours.
Where to stay Most of San Francisco’s hotels are in the downtown area. Hotels labeled “Union Square” are closer to the shopping district outlined in pink, ones labeled “Financial District” are on the eastern edge closer to the Bay outlined in orange. You might see others labeled “SoMa”, which is the general area south of Market Street (hence the name). Any of these will be at most 1.5 flat miles from the stadium.
I recommend against staying in Fisherman’s Wharf. It’s one of those places only tourists go and is a bit far from the stadium.
Getting to and from Oracle Park Transit Transit here is called “the Muni”. The Muni’s N or T train will get you directly to Oracle Park; the N dropping you off right outside between 2nd and 3rd streets and the T leaving you a short block away from the Willie Mays Gate. Fare is $2.50. You can buy a “Clipper Card” right in Apple Wallet and tap it to the reader when you board the train. (I don’t know what to do on Android.) You can catch either train from the subway that runs under Market Street in downtown and it’ll take 10-15 minutes at most to arrive at Oracle Park.
Pro tip: When trains are packed after the game, walk one block west on King Street to catch the N at the very start of its route or two blocks south on Third Street (cross over the O’Doul Bridge) to catch the T train one stop before it hits the stadium. The cars should be more empty at these stops.
Walking Oracle Park is very easy to walk to, especially because it’s mostly flat in this part of town. Like I said above, if you’re in Union Square, FiDi or SoMa it’s at most a mile and a half.
Driving Never done it and not recommended parking is hard to find and expensive.
Uber is of course always an option. 🙂 Put your pickup or drop off spot a block or two away from the stadium so you and your driver don’t have to fight traffic chaos.
Okay now let’s talk about the stadium itself.
Oracle Park basics
Oracle Park has five levels:
Street—Where you enter.
Promenade—All lower level seats (it turns into “the arcade” in right field).
Club—What it says; akin to the Delta Sky Club.
Suite—What it says.
View—The upper deck, split between view box (lower, like the 200 level at Target Field) and reserve (above that).
The club and suite levels are restricted to those ticket holders, everywhere else is free to access. All entrances enter on street level, so you have to go at least one level up to get to your seats unless you’re in the Field Club or Dugout Club. There is one Jumbotron, located in centerfield. Oracle Park’s seating bowl extends from the right field corner to the left field corner. The outfield is one level (same level as the promenade, but they call it the arcade for some reason).
Getting in and out of Oracle Park There are five gates at Oracle Park. The biggest gate—the Willie Mays Gate—is at 3rd and King, two are at 2nd and King, one is behind center field and one is at the right field corner next to the giant bridge (you can’t miss it). You can go in any of these gates no matter where you’re sitting. Security is almost always less than five minutes. A sixth gate near the Willie Mays Gate is available only to fans with tickets in the Field Club or Dugout Club; it will say one of those two clubs on your ticket if you can enter here.
Willie Mays Gate—Third & King Streets Located behind home plate, the Willie Mays gate is the only one with escalators. One will take you to the promenade level. From there you can take an escalator to the club level or a different and longer escalator to the view level. Otherwise you have to walk up the pedestrian ramp that goes to every level.
2nd street gates—2nd & King Streets Located in the left field corner, the gates at 2nd and King do not have escalators. Fans who can walk must take the pedestrian ramp to any level, otherwise there is an elevator you might get to use (more on that later). There is a merchandise stand immediately inside the entrance. Note there are two gates here sort of like Gate 29 and Target Plaza in Minnesota. One is reserved for Go Ahead Entry, MLB’s new scan-less entry system. Sign up for that if you want the fastest way into the ballpark (note: only one person in your group needs it but that person will need all the tickets in their Ballpark app; kids are excepted). Otherwise you have to go thru the other gate.
The Marina Gate—Centerfield Located in center field, the street-level Marina Gate takes you into a concession and gaming area underneath the batter’s eye. You can access left field bleacher seats from here. Otherwise the rest of the stadium is accessible from a tall flight of stairs that will take you up to the arcade below the Jumbotron.
The O’Doul Gate—Third & Berry Streets Located in the right field corner, the only option here is to go up a flight of stairs; it goes to every level.
The Blue Cross Gate—Third & King Streets Located right next to the Willie Mays Gate, this will take you directly into a food court. Go thru there to access field club seats or to find the secondary entrance for the dugout club (like the Champions Club, but much smaller). You’re at field level here. To get to any other level you must go up to the seating bowl and take the aisle to the promenade (where you would come in if you take any other entrance). Again you can only use this gate if your ticket says so.
Getting around inside Oracle Park Oracle Park has a lot going for it. Internal mobility is not one of those things. It’s under-built with only one bank of escalators, limited stairs and elevators they would rather you not take (you can always try, but I’ve seen plenty of instances when the operators direct able-bodied fans to the ramps or stairs; they are also extremely slow). In other words, this is not Target Field.
Here’s how and where you can move vertically:
Escalators: Behind home plate; one takes you from street level to the promenade, another from the promenade to the club level and another (longer) one from the promenade to the view level (note these escalators are not next to each other, when you get to the promenade take a left around the corner to reach the view level escalator); Stairs: Behind home plate starting at the promenade level, behind sections 128/228/328, right field corner; Ramps: Behind home plate, left field corner; Elevators: All gates for accessibility purposes but again they’re slow and they usually prefer you only use them if you need to.
Moving horizontally within a level can be slow. The concourses are tight and filled with vendor stands, especially on the promenade level. There are two main choke points: Behind home plate where the press box, fan service and multiple concession stands constrict the space as fans come up from the Willie Mays Gate, and in left field under the Coke bottle. Giants fans are a late arriving crowd, so give yourself extra time to move if it’s close to game time. The view level is relatively easy to move about in unless the game is sold out and that’s very unlikely.
Eating at Oracle Park Oracle Park does not have the dedicated bar and restaurant spaces like you’re used to at Target Field. If you have to or want to eat in the ballpark, I recommend the following:
The Organic Coup—left field corner, lower deck. Decent chicken sandwich or chicken tender bites with tots. There are a lot of tenders in the basket and have a great meat-to-breading ratio. Better than the standard concession chicken tenders for sure. Tony’s Pizza—right field corner in the upper and lower decks; Field Club; Alaska Airlines Club; directly inside the Marina Gate. From legendary San Francisco pizza magnate Tony Geminiani, a huge piece of pie here is probably as good as ballpark pizza can get. It’s also exactly like the pizza you get at Tony’s Slice House, not some bastardized concession version. Elite shit. Flatbreads—center field batter’s eye (inside the Marina Gate). Under the Jumbotron in centerfield you’ll find a flatbread shop. This is where I go when I have to eat at the ballpark. I like the sausage one. They make it fresh so let it cool a few minutes before digging in. All beef hot dog—Regular stands everywhere. It’s better than the hot dog at Target Field but no Dome Dog. RIP Metrodome and RIP Dome Dog. Make sure you get the all beef one.
You’ve probably heard about the garlic fries. I recommend a hard pass. They’re soggy and really just a massive sodium bomb that will leave you with bad breath and unquenchable thirst. In my opinion you can also pass on everything else, especially the crab cakes. Keep in mind the author hates seafood.
One other thing: Oracle Park has a partnership with Uber Eats. There’s a QR code on the back of every seat, just scan it and you’ll get taken to the stadium’s merchant page where you can order without fees. They will bring the food to you if you’re in the premium field club (your seats will be in a row with a letter, not a number) or order and go to the dedicated pickup register. (Full disclosure: I work at Uber.)
If you want to eat before the game, you’ll find countless options. Here are a few that come to mind within a short walk from the stadium: Frankie’s, Hi-Dive, Red’s (brunch and lunch only), Candlestick, Atwater Tavern (across McCovey Cove a short walk thru the beautiful new China Basin park), Underdogs, Local Tap, Towns End Brunch (closes at 2pm). I’m sure there are many more. The Saturday game will probably get over around 7:30, leaving you plenty of time to score a rezzy at any one of San Francisco’s amazing restaurants. This is a great food town. Take advantage.
You can also bring food into the stadium if you want, provided you comply with the stupid bag policy. Empty water bottles or sealed water is also fine. The pro move is to buy a $2 water bottle from one of the vendors outside or just bring an empty bottle.
After the game (and probably before) you’ll get to experience the uniquely San Francisco treat: Dirty dog vendors. These portable food carts fry up bacon-wrapped weiners with onions and peppers. The author cannot stand the smell much less the thought of putting one in his stomach. If you’re feeling brave, go for it.
Where to sit
Like I said, time of day greatly changes the seating experience here so I’ll go over each game.
Friday night Sun/shade. Everything will be in the shade except the far reaches of the outfield bleachers, which will have sun for the first few innings. This’ll be tough to stare into but won’t make you hot. Temperature. If it’s a normal San Francisco summer day with high’s in the mid-60s to low-70s then expect a chill in the evening. I recommend at least a light jacket. Things to watch out for:
Wind. If it’s an exceptionally windy day then the stadium will get colder after sunset. To stay out of the wind, look for seats toward the middle of the stadium or under the overhang in the lower deck (roughly row 33). Avoid the corners of the stadium and the outfield as you will feel the full force of a mean wind.
Abnormally high daytime temperatures. If they day time temp is more than 80 degrees then chances are we will have a warm evening. You wouldn’t need a jacket in this case and it also wouldn’t be windy.
Bone-chilling cold. If it’s a cool day, like low-60s or below, be prepared for a level of cold you have yet to experience even as a Minnesotan. I will come to the ballpark with at least three layers (one of which will be a hoodie), knit gloves and a stocking cap on nights like these. Do not, under any circumstance, come to the game in shorts and a t-shirt. You are not—and I want to make this very clear—you are not tough enough to handle this just because you are from Minnesota. That means nothing to the cruel ocean wind. Your best bet is to pay attention to Giants fans outside the stadium. If you see them in jackets or carrying big blankets, it’s going to be a cold one.
Saturday afternoon Sun/shade. There will be some sun in the far left field upper deck and full sun on the entire outfield at the start of the game. By the end only the far centerfield bleachers will be still facing the sun. Like Friday, it will be sun that’s annoying to look into but not enough to make you hot.
Temperature. 4:15pm starts are tough because you have to anticipate daytime and evening weather. Since most of the stadium will be in the shade, I recommend dressing as if it’s a night game with pants and a light jacket. Take note of the wind also; same guidance as Friday night. Same guidance also on what to do if it’s abnormally warm.
Sunday afternoon Sun/shade. This is when sun and shade will really matter. If you sit in the sun, the sun will be hotter than you expect. You will get by fine in shorts and a t-shirt. In the shade, on the other hand, it’s tough to anticipate. I’ve had shaded seats that are perfectly comfortable and others when I’ve wished for a jacket. My best guidance is to tie a lightweight long-sleeve shirt or jacket around your waste just in case, and then put it on if you get chilly.
So where should you look for sun and where should you look for shade? I’ll offer guidance by level. But keep this in mind: Shade starts in the right field corner and works its way around toward the left field corner.
Field level. Anything above row 34 will put you under the overhang and in shade the entire time. Rows 31-33 might be covered depending on the section but you’re for sure safe in 34 and above. Note also the very last rows of field level have an overhang will block fly balls and the centerfield scoreboard. They hang TVs to compensate. Below row 31 you’ll get shade sooner on the right field side and later on the left field side. The closer to the field you go, the more likely you are to be in the sun the entire time.
Club level. This section is trickier to guess shade because I rarely sit there during the day. But in general the same principle applies as field level. If you want shade, go higher up and toward right field. There will be some overhang on the top 4-5 rows and the stadium itself will throw shade here sooner than field level.
View Box. This is the lower part of the upper deck, similar to the 200 sections at Target Field. These are low enough that they’ll be in the sun except for later in the afternoon.
View Reserve. The upper upper deck, akin to Target Field’s 300 level. Same applies as the other levels—Go higher and toward right field if you want shade faster; go lower and toward left field if you want sun.
Now that you understand how where you sit will affect the temperature, let’s talk about where to actually sit!
Places and views
Oracle Park is known for its sweeping views of the San Francisco Bay, but they’re not available from every seat. You can’t see the Bay at all from the field level, but you do get a glorious view of baseball and nothing else:
The great view from Section 116.
You can sort of see the Bay from the club level, but it’s not an amazing scenic vantage point.
The view from Section 216 in the Alaska Airlines Club Level.
For that you have to go to the upper level where you get the view from the image at the top of this post. Upper deck on the third base side points you south toward some delapidated piers; not breathtaking but not bad.
The view looking south from the upper deck.
The first base side points you toward the Oakland hills and, if you’re really far down the line, the Bay Bridge. This will be a great view on Saturday and Sunday, but only average on Friday. (Back when we could afford to run lights on the Bay Bridge this was a stunning night time seat). Sitting even with home plate in the upper level will give you a view of the hills and the Bay. Keep in mind there’s not much out there to see at night. If you want to sit lower and close to the field for one of the games, pick Friday night and go for the spectacular views during the day games.
The view from the right field line in the upper deck at Oracle Park.
Like any ballpark, the view gets extreme when you’re far down the foul lines. I personally don’t care for this sight line. But I will note that the promenade seats in the far right field corner are elevated enough to provide a decent view. Be warned, however, that you will be exposed to the wind there.
Premium seating
The Alaska Airlines Club Level is similar to the club level at Target Field. Sitting here gives a nice compromise between Bay views and game views. Don’t expect premium food or amenities though. It is mostly the same as everywhere else in the ballpark and there are a lot of things you can’t get on this level. There are some neat historic displays behind the press box area if you’re into that.
Lower level premium Field Club seats come with stadium access through a separate entrance, a separate concession area (with the same food as everywhere else) and in-seat delivery from Uber Eats—hella convenient. Think similar to that separate section of seats behind the dugouts at Target Field, but with their own stadium entrance. The main benefit here is the dedicated access and concessions. You’ll also have your own bathrooms.
Dugout Club is Oracle Park’s equivalent to the Champions Club. Food is included, drinks are not. Don’t expect premium dining; it’s a sampling of concession food from around the ballpark. The club area is a converted umpire’s dressing room and feels more like a lounge than a restaurant or club. The view from here is very close, but it’s also low to the ground. Some of the seats by the on-deck circles are actually below field level. It’s cool, but know going in it’s going to be a weird vantage point. Also note the Twins will be in the first base dugout.
The unique viewpoint from Section 113 in the Dugout Club.
Above the right field wall is similar to the overhang seats at Target Field. If you go too far toward right-center you’ll start to get a weird angle. Err on the side of going farther toward the foul line.
Let’s go deep on seating details now. These are my personal secrets so please don’t share them with Giants fans who might steal the good seats from me the rest of the year.
Be careful about section 315 in the view box level. TV cameras are stationed there and anything row C and above risks being stuck behind them. If you’re picking specific seats from the Giants website just stay close to the aisles. If you’re buying by row from a resale sight go for row A or B.
In the club level, view box and view reserve you need to be at least three rows back to avoid being obstructed by the railings. The second row might be okay in the upper levels depending on how tall you are.
Seats numbered one through about six in section 119 are offset at a weird angle that points you toward the visiting dugout. Section 110 and 121 are also at a weird angle.
Sections 106-7 have a standing bar in the back so there can be drunkards hollering sometimes. Same above the batters’ box ad display on the third base side.
Be careful with sections in the far left field corner. Section 132 and 134 merge at the bottom, with 132 angled towards left field and 134 angled towards the infield. 133 is stuck in there like a pizza slice. Section 103 in the right field corner is similar but without the pizza slice.
In section 310 sit closer to the homeplate side of the section (higher numbered seats)
View Box sections 310, 313, 315, 318 and 321 have more rows than the rest of that level. These seats are good but the higher you go the closer you get to the View Reserve and basically pay a premium for the exact same view.
If you already have seats or are curious about the view from a certain spot, drop me a DM. I’ll try to get a pic for you next time I’m there or will check the sun/shade situation during an afternoon game.
When the game ends, leave. You’re on your own now!
This finale symbolizes Succession’s ultimate problem: It never had a second idea. Succession began, stayed and finished in the board room. There was no in between for the show or any of the characters. They spent 38 episodes having the same conversation. That’s why this show can’t take a place next to The Wire or Breaking Bad in the pantheon of prestige television. It didn’t go anywhere.
We spent four seasons watching three children argue with each other about who should lead their father’s company. They didn’t say anything to each other in the final episode that they wouldn’t have said in the first.
The whole series boiled down to one question, posed to Shiv, about Kendall: Yes or no?
Now ask yourself one question: Was Shiv capable of voting against Kendall in the Succession premiere? The answer is yes (and we know that because she and Roman tried to position themselves against him as they bargained with Logan over adding Marcia to the Board). If she had, how would Kendall have reacted? Exactly the same way we saw him react in the finale, that’s how. There’s no journey there. No growth, no change.
That’s just not how great shows work.
Characters in great shows react to what life throws at them and emerge different people on the other side. The Walter While we saw stumbling out of the RV in episode one was not capable of being a drug kingpin because he had yet to discover the rage and hunger for power that drove him to topple Gus Fring. That’s storytelling. Succession couldn’t or wouldn’t do that. Shiv watched her family repeatedly stab each other in the back. She watched her father die. She watched her husband betray her at work multiple times. She’s about to bring a child into a loveless marriage. And she voted the exact same way she would have before any of those things ever happened.
That’s not prestige television. It’s pathetic television.
The only scene where finale got anywhere close to letting its characters evolve came in their mom’s kitchen. For the first time in the entire series we got to see them be kids. Fuckin’ around in the kitchen at night, disobeying their mom and making fun of their goofy stepdad’s cheese; these were children. I watched this thinking okay, this is what these characters are like after the enormous weight of succeeding their father is taken away. I like it. Maybe this is what they would have been like if they were born without the silver spoon.
Did the show let them build on that as people? Nope. It was a scene that existed solely so the ultimate outcome in the boardroom would shock us.
It’s frustrating because I really think Succession deserved better. The acting never failed in this series. Not once. The dialogue was tight. The style and setting carried the world the show wanted us to see and feel.
But its storytelling failed. The random, rambling course of its last episode shows why:
Breakdown? What breakdown? Roman subjecting himself to riotous self harm at the end of episode nine was completely ignored. One minute he’s getting trampled in New York, the next minute he’s all bandaged up at mommy’s house in the Caribbean. WTF? I can’t think of a better example to prove my point that the show just had no interest in evolving its characters. When they had a chance to do something incredible with Roman they chose to spend the finale making him, once again, Kednall’s bitch. Weak.
Shiv and Roman just…gave up? Aside from the hilarious Jeremy Strong impressions, the scene between Shiv and Roman on the beach was empty and stupid. After four years they all of a sudden decide to just give up? Nothing in the jokes about killing him led to their decision to let him take over. It felt like the writers threw a bunch of nonsense lines into the script because they needed a beat before Shiv and Rome swam out to Kendall on the dock.
Shiv’s unexplained change of mind. I’ve seen people say that actually seeing Kendall in the big chair made her do it. Or that it was because she thought back to what he did on election night and chose saving the country over anointing the person who titled the election for Menckin. Or that she was testing Kendall to decide based on how she saw him react to the threat of losing his life’s dream. Or that she realized he would just be Logan Roy 2.0. Or that she wanted her child to one day succeed Tom (a stupid theory when you think about Shiv willingly condemning her unborn child to the very life she led). Any or all of those could be why she did it. We’ll never know. All the show gave us was that she didn’t think he would be good at the job. I’m sorry? We watched this show for four seasons only to have the decisive moment of the series come down to Shiv’s vague assessment of her brother’s ability to be a CEO? That’s insulting.
Looking back, what I’ll remember about Succession is the yawning gap between its superior acting and empty storytelling. I wish we could go back in time to the end of season two and see what would happen to the show if it were in the hands of someone capable of having more than one idea.
Editor’s note: At points of my own choosing I may cover topics not related to television. This is one of those points.
Before we look forward at the new Twins uniforms, let’s look back at the club’s history. The Twins began in 1961 in a white home uniform with navy pinstripes and “Twins” in cursive across the chest. In a sign of how much looser conventions were at the time, their road uniforms were also white but lacked pinstripes. They made their first change in 1972 by dropping the pinstripes at home and switching to grays on the road. The next year brought minor tweaks to the home set and introduced powder blue for the road. That look held until 1987, which brought the block style the team wore through its championship years and the Metrodome era. #RIPMetrodome
Uniform malaise set in when they moved to Target Field in 2010. Road pinstripes were gone in favor of a new “Minnesota” cursive that was clownish from the start. Home pinstripes disappeared and a gold drop shadow debuted in 2015. All of this happened while the “M” hat gave way to variations on the original TC headwear from the 1960s. A series of lackluster alternates left the team in a mishmash of looks that clashed with time, with style and with good taste.
For years I hoped they would someday go back to the 1961 homes and the 1972 gray roads. That would have been a top-10 uniform. Like a cute Bumble match that turns out to be a spam bot, my hopes were dashed. The team opted for a full modernization in 2023. And that’s fine. I’m not opposed to new things. I’m opposed to bad things.
Overall, the new look doesn’t have any truly bad things and most of the improvement is from what they got rid of. Gold is gone from the palette entirely, so is the hideous Minnesota cursive for road jerseys and the red alternate. Immediate win. Removing outlines (a first in team history) makes the jerseys feel different. Not better, not worse. Just different.
The only truly new elements in the new kit are the M hat and a custom font for letters and numbers (the first time the Twins haven’t used traditional block numbers). I’ll share my thoughts on the M had in the headwear section. I have a mixed opinion on the font. They softened the serifs on their TC logo so much that it’s probably san-serif now. The “Minnesota” road and alternate jersey lettering matches, as do the player names. But the numbers have the serifs. None of this looks bad, it just doesn’t make sense. Why remove serifs from one element only to add them back on another? Are we throwing back to something at the same time we’re getting rid of it? Confused.
(There are some other minor new elements like a state outline on the sleeve, but until that gets put on a hat or a chest I don’t think it’s worth getting worked up about.)
Here now are my thoughts on the uniforms themselves, rate out of a maximum of five stars.
Home whites ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This is the uniform that tells us we’re not in the Metrodome anymore. The new Twins cursive is feather thin, as if it floated onto the jersey. Bright red against crisp white, they look wonderful in the sun and under the lights. Removing outlines is most notable here because it makes the revised cursive “Twins” seem naked. It’s like a looking at the skinny Diet Coke can next to the traditional can. I think that feeling will wear off as we get more used to looking at them. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the navy outline comes back down the road as the team iterates on the new style.
Few other teams will look like the Twins in these. That’s a good thing. One star for the name and number being readable. Three stars for the uniform being sharp, distinct and pleasant to look at.
Road grays ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Best look of the new kit. Going back to the pinstripe grays was not anywhere on my bingo card. I thought those were universally hated in the Metrodome era. This new iteration is extremely well done. The strips are so very light that you can only see them up close, which is actually kind of cool. Contrasted against the bright red and white piping (inspired by the 1970s-era uniforms) we have some visual dimension here that we don’t usually get from baseball jerseys. Applause.
One star for the name and number being readable. Four stars for just being really sexy.
Blue alternates ⭐︎
Big problem here: The names aren’t readable unless the player’s back is in direct sunlight. In other lighting they’re barely visible. A jersey’s one job is to identify the player wearing it. Hard to do when you can’t read the name.
How did they screw this up? I assume they do more than mock these up on a computer screen. Did they not sew up some samples and have people wear them, oh, I don’t know, on a baseball field at night? Did they not look at them through a video camera to make sure there’s enough contrast between the navy blue fabric and the red lettering? The same thing happened with the previous alternate blue alternate, making this mistake even more inexcusable.
The simple solve here would have been to make the names white, like the incredibly visible numbers below it. Maybe they thought that looked too much like replica jersey or minimized the presence of red (which is otherwise only on the TV numbers). Another solution would be swap the colors so the name is white and the giant number is red. Maybe they tried and it looked like shit. What do I know. Not the name of any Twins player on the road, that’s for sure.
What really sucks is this is otherwise a neat jersey…on the person sitting in front of you. The dark navy, bright red and brilliant white go together very well. I think of stars in the midnight sky over the Boundary Waters.
Four stars for a jersey that looks great in the pro shop. Minus four stars for failing to do it’s actual job on the field.
Home alternates ⭐️⭐️
Not long after I moved to the Cities, I found a bright yellow shirt at Walgreens that said “Proud to be from Minneapolis!” in bold blue cursive. Cheesy af but I bought it. That’s what this jersey looks like to me: Something generic you’d find at Walgreens for $9.99 and wear as a joke.
The Twins are trying to be the team that gets to associate its brand with the locals. I get it. In that context this is a home run. Bald guys with long beards who drink craft beer will love it. Maybe it’s because I’m not “one of us”. Maybe it’s because I moved away. But this version of a hyperlocal jersey falls flat for me. It’s just…lame.
This version. I love the interlocking flags on the sleeve with logos of the Minneapolis Millers and St. Paul Saints. Putting that on the left chest would make a legendary uniform. Le.gen.dar.y. Like something straight out of 1915. Maybe that can be an iteration down the road.
One star for the name and number being readable. One star for being meh and relegating the actually cool feature to a sleeve patch.
Headwear ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Like the Twin Cities jersey, the new M hat is an obvious attempt to make the Twins hat something more than just a Twins hat. I thought the TC was that, so I don’t understand why they had try for a second one. I mean, come on. If the TC hasn’t become that in 60 years then get rid of it.
Will the new M become what the Twins hope for? I don’t think so. It’s weak. A star above an M. How cliche. The hat matches the rest of the kit well and looks okay on the field. It just…it’s not amazing. I would like to see the new sleeve patch—a solid navy blue state map graphic with a red star over the Twin Cities—on the hat instead. That would be more clearly and uniquely Minnesota.
(Like others, my initial reaction to this one was “Hey, that’s the Marlins!” But Miami ditched that look a few years ago so I think that association will fade.)
The refined TC hat re-balances the interlock between the two letters. Fine. They also softened the serifs on each letter. I’m not a serif savant, but I think the design would now qualify as san-serif. Neither of these are changes worth caring about.
There’s an alternate TC to wear with the Twin Cities home uniform, and it’s the first monochrome TC color scheme ever worn on the field. I don’t recall anyone asking for this. The M-StP flags from the sleeve of the Twin Cities jersey put on a hat would have been, again, instantly iconic.
As we talk about hats we have to acknowledge the Twins have separate hats for home and road for the first time in team history. Stupid. Great brands have one mark. Doubly stupid for the hats to repeat what’s on the jersey—TC with Twins at home, M with Minnesota on the road. Why not switch them up? “Here are the Twin Cities Twins and the Minnesota Minnesota!” is basically what they’re saying. The The Angles Angles would be proud.
Lastly, we have a new home batting helmet. Red with a white front panel, it is absolute fire and might be the best helmet in baseball. It turns me on physically. They wear the new M on the road helmet but I think this one would look good with the road kit, too. It would look good anywhere, because it’s sultry.
(Side note: Why does MLB let players smear pine tar all over their helmets? It’s ugly as ass and the league should tell players to put it somewhere else.)
Five stars for the sexy batting helmet. Minus one star for the boring M, minus one more for the needless monochrome TC.
So I give the Twins new uniforms and headwear 14 of 25 stars. But that’s deceiving. The team absolutely nailed the primary home and road looks. Minor tweaks will surely come, but 30 years from now we’ll be aghast at the suggestion the Twins should re-brand. They’re that good. The alternates suffer from failed execution and general boredom, and the field hats are so-so. But overall a great leap forward. This team is now visually fun to look at.
Since Yellowstone is a show about a man standing firm in the face of progress, I thought I would let this blog post take a similar theme. Below you’ll find my human-written post and two posts written by ChatGPT. What do you think: Is The Wandering Lostie at risk of losing out to the robots?
I binged Yellowstone so I can have a chance to hold a conversation with my parents over the holidays. They—like a large swath of America—are obsessed with the western drama. I gave it a raised eyebrow when it premiered. Kevin Costner on a horse is worth a try. But early reviews were not good. I wrote it off as a lame attempt to plug a famous movie star into a trashy TV show.
Then mom and dad would not shut up about it. They needed the clothes. (Surprisingly hard to find back then. Now you can shop by character.) They discovered other people who watched and talked about it with them in person. This must have been what it was like to live in the J.R. Ewing era. And somehow they found it without the kids having to tell them what channel is Paramount Network. That’s when you know a show is popular.
When I found out my Comcast internet package includes Peacock Premium, I figured this is the right time to catch up. Wait, what? You just said it’s on Paramount Network but you’re catching up on Peacock? Yep. Because of a massive oopsie, Paramount Network’s biggest show streams on Peacock. The business of Hollywood is a spaghetti mess, and selling the rights to Yellowstone might bring more money than Paramount would earn from new and recurring subscribers. But as all streamers desperately search for profitability, the execs at Paramount can’t be thrilled about their smash hit streaming somewhere else. As a brand marketer I’m dying inside over it. Their excuse is Paramount+ didn’t exist when Yellowstone premiered. Remember CBS All Access? It already included other Paramount/CBS/Viacom content. Seems like a no-brainer to me. I digress.
I sat down for episode one expecting to see cheap, shallow television. I was wrong to assume. (Cheap in the narrative sense, not financially. One look at the sweeping ranch setting tells you this show costs money.) Yellowstone doesn’t try to explore characters like Breaking Bad or weave complexity like Lost. No one is going to come full circle on or end the show a different person than they began it. They’re all caught in a loop of anger and unhappiness.
Instead it blends universal themes other modern shows succeeded with:
Messed up kids and a bad dad. Yellowstone is Succession on a ranch. Jamie, Kayce and Beth Dutton are Kendall, Shiv and Roman Roy. Children of an bad father they can never please. None of them are happy. Jamie always thinks he’s one act of paternal service away from the approval his father will never give him. Beth stopped maturing the moment her mother died. Kayce is a real man with emotions struggling to live in a culture of Stetson men. Now that I think about it, Beth and Kendall would make a great couple. Hideous human beings deserve each other.
Detestable characters like these (except for Kayce, who you could hang with and not feel dirty about it) can only succeed if the acting is too damn good to ignore. Both shows deliver. These six actors perform at the peak of their craft.
The inevitable march of progress.
“I want everything that John Dutton has. I want the Yellowstone.” — Thomas Rainwater, Chief of the Broken Rock Reservation.
“I don’t know how to kill cattle. You stupid fuckinging redneck. I’ll tell you what I do know how to do. I know how to crush empires. And I will crush your father’s.” — Dan Jenkins, California real estate developer, to Kayce Dutton.
“I am the opposite of progress. I am the wall it bashes against. And I will not be the one who breaks.” – John Dutton, owner of Yellowstone Dutton Ranch.
This is Downton Abbey on a ranch. Robert Crawley isn’t the stubborn bastard John Dutton is, but they both face the reality that their families’ way of life is incompatible with where the outside world is going. The Earl of Grantham does his best to make the transition easy. John Dutton would rather die (and damn near has). He may beat back Dan Jenkins, but there will always be another Malcom Beck. Another Market Equities. Progress never relents. I think we’ll know which Dutton inherits the ranch by the end of this show. Maybe it’s him, maybe it’s her. Maybe it’s grandson Tate. John’s loss of what family truly means makes certain they will be the one who breaks.
Money and power. Wealth is subdued on Yellowstone. The Duttons are extremely comfortable, and I think it’s smart for the show to not give them an opulent Roy-like lifestyle. John Dutton eating caviar would feel off.
They are, however, rich in power. Political nepotism is not a concern here. John controls the Montana Livestock Association, which Jamie and Kayce both commissioned and everyone just kinda went along with it (his dead son, Lee, was also an agent). When Montana’s Attorney General wanted to step aside, there was no real debate about Jamie Dutton being next (until John changed his mind, which got ugly). Governor Lynelle Perry (who John is fucking) had no problems shepherding John to be her replacement.
No one in fictional Montana seems to care about this, and that’s just as well. I don’t think this show would be very good at telling political stories. It does enough to establish that John fortified his thus far impenetrable wall with as much political power as he could tolerate. Season five shows him as a miserably bad governor, and I hope they don’t spend too much time making that a problem for him. His challenges should come from outside, not inside.
Parents. Progress. Power. They’ve driven a lot of great television. They have another hit on their hands with Yellowstone. And this year I’ll have something to talk to my parents about on Sunday nights.
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ChatGPT Prompt 1: Write me a blog post comparing Yellowstone to Succession and Downton Abbey.
Yellowstone, Succession, and Downton Abbey are three popular TV shows that have captivated audiences around the world. While they may seem very different at first glance, they all share some common themes and elements that make them interesting and engaging to watch.
First, let’s take a look at Yellowstone. This show follows the lives of the Dutton family, who own and operate the largest contiguous ranch in the United States. Set in the beautiful and rugged landscape of Montana, Yellowstone showcases the struggles and triumphs of the Dutton family as they fight to protect their land and legacy from outside forces.
Succession, on the other hand, is a show about a wealthy and powerful family who own a global media and entertainment conglomerate. The show explores the cutthroat world of corporate politics and the dysfunctional relationships within the family as they fight for control of the company.
Finally, there’s Downton Abbey, which is set in the early 1900s and follows the lives of the Crawley family and their servants in a fictional English country estate. The show explores the societal changes and challenges that the family faces as they try to maintain their traditional way of life in a rapidly modernizing world.
Despite their differences in setting and time period, all three shows share some common themes. First and foremost, they all focus on the dynamics within wealthy and powerful families. The Duttons, Roys, and Crawleys are all dealing with their own internal struggles and conflicts as they fight to protect their interests and maintain their positions at the top.
Additionally, all three shows explore the challenges that come with trying to hold onto power and wealth in a rapidly changing world. The Duttons must grapple with the encroachment of outsiders on their land, the Roys must navigate the cutthroat world of corporate politics, and the Crawleys must adapt to the shifting societal norms of the early 20th century.
Finally, all three shows feature complex and well-developed characters who are struggling to find their place in the world. The Duttons, Roys, and Crawleys are all dealing with their own personal issues and flaws, and the show does a great job of exploring their motivations and desires.
In conclusion, while Yellowstone, Succession, and Downton Abbey may seem very different at first glance, they all share some common themes and elements that make them engaging and interesting to watch. Whether you’re a fan of the beautiful Montana landscape, the cutthroat world of corporate politics, or the opulent world of English country estates, these shows have something for everyone.
ChatGPT Prompt 2: Write a blog post about how you overcame your initial reservations to enjoy watching Yellowstone. In the post, identify other televisions shows with similar themes and compare them to Yellowstone.
When I first heard about Yellowstone, I was hesitant to watch it. The premise of the show – a family fighting to protect their land and way of life in the face of outside pressures – didn’t seem all that interesting to me. I was also put off by the fact that it was a modern-day Western, a genre that I had never been particularly drawn to. But, after hearing some positive buzz about the show, I decided to give it a try. And I’m glad I did, because Yellowstone ended up becoming one of my favorite shows.
One of the things that I love about Yellowstone is the way it portrays the struggles of the Dutton family. They are constantly facing challenges – from hostile neighboring landowners and greedy developers to environmental activists and government bureaucrats – and are forced to make tough decisions in order to protect their land and their way of life. The show does an excellent job of portraying the complex issues that the Duttons deal with, and it forces the viewer to think about the difficult choices that people have to make in order to survive in a rapidly changing world.
As I continued to watch Yellowstone, I began to see similarities between it and other shows that I enjoy. For example, the family dynamics on the show are reminiscent of those on shows like This Is Us and Friday Night Lights, where the characters are forced to overcome obstacles and work together in order to achieve their goals. The themes of family, loyalty, and perseverance are also present in shows like The Sopranos and Breaking Bad, where the main characters are caught up in a world of danger and uncertainty.
Despite these similarities, however, Yellowstone stands out as a unique and compelling show. The beautiful cinematography, strong performances, and well-written story all come together to create a show that is both engaging and thought-provoking. If you’re someone who enjoys shows that tackle complex themes and feature richly drawn characters, then I highly recommend giving Yellowstone a try. You may find, like I did, that it quickly becomes one of your favorite shows.
The Wandering Lostie 